How do we handle birthday parties and family gatherings?

The short answer

Find out the real shape of the event: who will be there, the rooms, noise, food, games, greetings, cake, presents and expected finish. Ask your child which part they want to attend and make that the anchor. They may arrive early, watch before joining, bring familiar food, greet people without touch, use headphones, spend time in a quieter room or leave after cake. Tell the host the few arrangements that matter and agree transport that makes leaving possible. If you are hosting, do not make your child perform gratitude, share every possession or stay in the busiest room. Protect siblings and guests with clear adult supervision and limits. A shorter or partial visit is still participation.

• Ask what part of the event matters to the child.
• Find out the people, sequence, food, noise and likely finish.
• Agree greetings, breaks, supervision and a real way to leave.
• Let familiar food and communication supports remain ordinary.
• Do not use endurance, hugs or group participation as proof of affection.