How do I help my child feel safe enough to stop masking?

The short answer

You cannot make a child unmask, and feeling safe does not guarantee that they will. Masking may be unconscious, or it may protect privacy, friendship and physical or social safety. Change the conditions around the child instead: stop requiring eye contact or stillness, make breaks and sensory support ordinary, use direct communication, respond calmly when the child says no or does not understand, and challenge teasing or correction of harmless autistic behaviour. Let the child decide which words and behaviours feel natural, where they want more freedom and what remains private. Review whether participation is becoming less effortful; do not judge progress by how visibly autistic the child appears.

• Unmasking is not a task a parent can set or a performance a child owes.
• A child may be unaware of some masking and may choose other strategies for good reasons.
• Reduce demands for a particular appearance before asking the child to behave differently.
• Make support available without requiring the child to reveal a diagnosis or reach crisis.
• Preserve boundaries around harm, consent and other people's safety while changing how needs can be expressed.