How do I give my other children time when there is none left?

The short answer

Do not begin with a target number of minutes. Ask each child what makes them feel that you are available: help with a project, a regular lift, ten quiet minutes, a bedtime check or knowing that one event will not be missed. Choose one small arrangement you can usually protect and put it where everyone can see it. During weeks dominated by appointments, keep a minimum connection and preserve the child's own important dates and friendships. If urgent care cancels the plan, acknowledge the loss, explain only what they need to know and make a specific replacement; do not ask them to say it is fine. Use other trusted adults to widen the child's support without treating that as a substitute for your relationship. Notice the child who stops asking, handles everything alone or becomes helpful whenever the family is under pressure. Quiet competence may be carrying the cost of the current system.

• Ask what kind of attention the child recognises instead of imposing a fixed daily target.
• Protect one small repeatable arrangement and the child's own important events.
• Acknowledge and replace cancelled time rather than asking for understanding.
• Use a wider network while preserving a direct parental connection.
• Notice children who stop asking, self-manage everything or take on caring work.