How do I look after myself when my child needs so much?

The short answer

Begin below the level of leisure. Check what keeps your body and mind functioning: medication, food, fluids, sleep opportunities, washing, medical care, safe movement and one route to another adult. Write what currently prevents those things. Then map the care you provide and sort it into tasks only you can do, tasks another person could do with information, and tasks created by a system that needs changing. Protect one minimum for the hardest days and one part of life that belongs to you rather than to the caring role. Ask for a named action, time and owner instead of asking somebody to help more. Tell professionals the effect of caring on your health, work, relationships and other children, not only your child's needs. Persistent exhaustion, low mood, anxiety, pain or loss of function may need health assessment, not a better routine. Looking after yourself is not another standard to fail. It is the work of making your needs visible and reducing a load no person can carry indefinitely.

• Start with health and basic functioning before optional wellbeing activities.
• Map which care must be yours, which can transfer and which is created by an inaccessible system.
• Protect a hard-day minimum and one part of identity beyond caring.
• Ask other people and services for specific actions rather than general sympathy.
• Seek health support when symptoms persist or daily functioning is changing.