How do I phrase requests so my child can say yes?

The short answer

Use wording to make the action accessible, not to disguise control. Get the child's attention in an agreed way, state one observable action and show what finished looks like. Say whether the outcome is fixed or whether no is genuinely available. Replace vague instructions such as 'be good' or 'sort yourself out' with the next usable step. Give enough processing time before repeating, and move information to writing, pictures or objects when spoken language is easily lost. Separate the request from criticism, history and predictions about what will happen if the child fails. Offer real choice around method or support, and include an adult default when choosing is hard. If clear wording still receives a no, check initiation, sensory conditions, pain, fear, disagreement and capacity rather than searching for a more persuasive sentence. Good phrasing cannot make an inaccessible or unreasonable demand appropriate.

• Name one observable action and its endpoint.
• Be honest about whether the whole request can be declined.
• Allow processing time and use a visible format when speech disappears quickly.
• Remove blame, rhetorical questions and a history of previous failures.
• Treat continued refusal as information about access or disagreement.