How do I teach my teenager about privacy and boundaries?

The short answer

Make privacy specific. Teach which places, body-care activities, possessions and information are private, who makes each decision and when a safety concern changes the rule. Apply the basics to everybody: knock and wait, ask before touch, do not enter a bathroom or bedroom without the agreed reason, and do not share another person's messages, images, diagnosis or body information. Explain that privacy is a right, not proof of secrecy, shame or maturity. A teenager who needs help with washing, dressing, medication or communication still has a right to know what is happening and to agree wherever possible. Do not monitor a device or search a room only because the teenager wants more privacy. If there is a specific concern about immediate danger, abuse, exploitation or serious harm, name the concern, choose the least intrusive action that can address it and explain what you are doing where it is safe to do so. Teach boundaries in both directions: the teenager can say no, and must also stop when another person says no, moves away, freezes or does not agree.

• Define privacy by place, activity, possession and information rather than using one abstract rule.
• Make knocking, asking and permission household rules that adults follow too.
• Separate a teenager's ordinary privacy from evidence of danger or wrongdoing.
• Use the least intrusive support or safety action that addresses the real concern.
• Teach how to respect another person's boundary as clearly as how to set one.