How do we put things right after a frightening meltdown?

The short answer

Begin with care and facts: check injuries, make the space safe, give each person separate recovery and record what needs urgent follow-up. Do not demand an immediate apology or require a frightened sibling to reconnect. When the child has enough capacity, describe the action and effect without defining their character: 'The lamp broke and your sister was scared when it was thrown.' Ask what they remember, explain any gaps and choose a repair matched to their age and ability. Repair may involve replacing an item, restoring privacy, giving space, hearing another person's account or practising a safer exit. Understanding overwhelm guides prevention; it does not erase harm. Update the safety plan and seek professional help when incidents are severe, repeated or escalating.

• Attend to injuries, danger and separate recovery before discussion.
• Name the action and its effect without shaming the child.
• Do not force apology, forgiveness, touch or immediate reconnection.
• Make repair concrete and proportionate to the child's available skills.
• Change the prevention and safety plan as part of putting things right.