What if my child does not want to be autistic or have ADHD?

The short answer

Do not make agreement, pride or diagnostic language the price of support. Ask what the child is rejecting: the assessment's accuracy, a stereotype, other people's treatment, loss of privacy, a frightening idea about the future, or the expectation that the diagnosis must become their identity. Correct factual misunderstandings briefly and let the child identify parts of the report that fit, do not fit or remain uncertain. They can receive practical support without describing themselves by a diagnostic label in ordinary conversation. If they believe the assessment is wrong, record their concerns and ask the assessment team to explain its reasoning; a second opinion may sometimes be requested. Keep bullying, low mood and shame in view. The conversation can pause without the diagnosis becoming a secret.

• Rejection may concern accuracy, stigma, privacy, language, identity or loss of control.
• Do not debate the child into acceptance or insist on a positive diagnostic identity.
• Separate use of diagnostic information for support from the child's chosen everyday language.
• Take specific disagreement with the assessment back to the team rather than dismissing it.
• Persistent self-hatred, hopelessness, withdrawal or self-harm needs mental-health attention.