When should I step in and when should I step back?

The short answer

Judge the decision, not the teenager as a whole. Step back when the choice belongs to them, the likely consequences are limited and they have enough information and support to try. Stay alongside when the aim is safe but planning, communication, money, travel or recovery still needs scaffolding. Step in when there is immediate danger, serious health risk, abuse, exploitation, violence, a missing child or a risk the teenager cannot reasonably manage. Between those points, use the least restrictive action that addresses the real concern. Ask what could happen, how likely and serious it is, what the teenager understands, which support would reduce the risk and what happens if the plan goes wrong. Independence can mean choosing, doing one part, using an aid or asking for help. Do not remove all support as a test, and do not use diagnosis to deny ordinary privacy or learning. Explain fixed limits honestly, identify where control remains real, and review the arrangement after practice.

• Make the decision task-specific rather than declaring a teenager independent or not ready.
• Separate discomfort, ordinary mistakes and serious harm.
• Add support before choosing between complete freedom and complete adult control.
• Use the least restrictive intervention that can address the specific risk.
• Act promptly where immediate danger, abuse, exploitation or serious health risk is present.